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Violent Culture?

Written by Nyachae Brian on March 31, 2025

Mellen Mogaka from Nyamira County was assaulted for refusing to throw soil into the grave of her ex-husband. Her case has elicited a heated debate countrywide with many castigating such a culture that is not only demeaning to women but against human rights

Mellen explains that she had separated from her husband due to his violent behavior. She had only brought their two children to pay last respect to their father, “little did I know evil was planned on me”

Video footages that have gone viral show her dragged from a tea plantation to the grave. “I was beaten, forcefully fed grave soil. My hair was cut and dumped inside the grave alongside my other belongings,” narrates Mellen amidst tears.

Cultural reasons for throwing soil among the Kisii people

The major question that is now vaguely answered is why was she being forced to perform the ritual of throwing sand? Why did she refuse to do it?

This ritual according to a section of Gusii elders is performed to tie the widow to the deceased, meaning she can’t remarry. Many believe if she attempts to remarry the new husband is likely to die

The ritual is also done as a prove that the widow is not behind the death of her husband. A refusal to perform it is an indication than one might have killed him

Another reason for throwing sand is to prove that the wife did not engage in any extra-marital affair. If she did, it is believed she is likely to instantly drop dead on the grave, a concept locally known as “amasangi”

Indigenous Gusii culture

George Nyakundi from Mwanyagetinge Heritage Council explains that it was never the Kisii people culture for a woman to throw sand to the grave of her husband. “Women were not even allowed to step on the grave. The burial rites were exclusively a men affair,” explains George.

He further expounds that no man whose wife was pregnant could be allowed to dig the grave. This would result to miscarriage.

Many other elderly people agree that women would only be allowed to go near the grave after burial. However, expectant mothers were not allowed to even touch the soil from the grave as this would lead to a miscarriage.

“Women throwing sand to the grave is a borrowed ritual by Gusii people from neighboring communities. However, this was never a Kisii thing,” asserts George.

Christian Faith

Over the years, many people have embraced Christianity. Paul Nyamweya of Jesus Christ’s Worship Center Church explains that the dead have no ties with the living. He quotes Paul’s epistle to the Romans urging people not to hide behind culture perpetrating human atrocities.

In Romans 7: 2-3 the Bible frees a widowed woman and allows her to get married. “…by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress, but if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.”

“It will be difficult to force many people who have embraced the new faith to perform such rites. Even for us pastors who preside over burials, we allow people to throw sand as a sign of accepting that man is dust and unto dust he returns. We don’t force anyone to do it,” says Nyamweya.

According Nyamweya, Christianity acknowledges a woman whose husband has died as a widow when she is over 60 years. Those below that age are allowed to remarry if they so wish

Culture of Violence

Esnahs Nyaramba who is a human rights activist says for many years women have become victims of violence under the guise of culture. “Why is that it is only women who have to throw sand to prove they didn’t kill the husband or they were not faithful in the marriage? Don’t we have men who would be suspects of the same?” interrogates Esnah

Janet Omani, a human rights defender describes the act that was perpetrated on Mellen as “archaic, uncouth and barbarous”

All these said and done, nobody, man or woman, deserves to experience violence under any reasons, culture inclusive.