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Widowers, who cares?

Written by Nyachae Brian on June 25, 2025

Annually, on June 23, the world marks International Widows Day. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a widow as “a woman who has lost her spouse or partner by death and has not remarried.”

Noticeably, there is no equivalent marked day for widowers globally.

The First Lady, Rachel Ruto, graced this year’s celebrations in Nyamira County, addressing various widows who had been invited. Nothing was discussed about widowers. The host leader, Nyamira County Woman Representative Jerusha Momanyi, disclosed, “There is 12 billion that has been set aside for widows. Every county should be prepared to mentor widows on growing their economy,” said Jerusha.

Discrimination

The international community, policymakers, non-governmental organizations, and even religious institutions seem silent on the grief and existence of widowers.

Article 27 of the Kenyan Constitution provides for equality and freedom from discrimination. Sections 3 and 4 state: “Women and men have the right to equal treatment… The state shall not discriminate directly or indirectly against any person on any ground including race, sex…”

Even the Bible is not explicit on widowers. Apart from the example of Judah in Genesis chapter 38, who messed up by ending up having sex with his daughter-in-law, hardly can you find any other outlined story about widowers.

Widowers are equally facing significant challenges, including parenting, poverty, stigma, and grief. Unfortunately, they enjoy no significant support equivalent to what is accorded to widows.

Widowers Grieving

Dismas Kabeo shares in tears about tackling the world head-on alone after the demise of his beloved wife.

“You fear to remarry since your children are involved. You are stigmatized and frequently accused of having sexual relations with the women who interact with you,” explains Dismas.

“The society assumes a man must have a wife. When you have not remarried, others suspect you of having an affair even with your daughters or close relatives,” adds Geoffrey Okeyo, another widower.

Job Osiemo from South Mugirango narrates how he has strived to raise young children since 2021, when his wife died. He urges the government to consider having a kitty directly benefiting widowers.

Wilson Mauti from Borabu, describing the stigma he undergoes after his wife passed on, says: “I run a posho mill, and the majority of the people who seek my services are women. The gossips I hear on a daily basis against me send me to tears, reminding me of my late wife,” narrates Wilson amidst sobs.

Remarriage

The society expects that a widower can easily get another wife. However, such a decision comes with tough considerations, especially when children are involved.

Janet Omani, a certified mediator and social rights advocate, explains that the option is easier for economically empowered men but not for the poor. “A financially stable man can easily attract another wife and have authority on how his children will be raised. He can even hire a caregiver,” explains Janet.

Potential neglect of children, new complex extended family relationships, and economic hardships are among the factors scaring widowers from remarrying.

Traditionally, this dilemma was addressed by polygamy. According to George Nyakundi, a defender of Gusii heritage, the first wife would even push the husband to marry another wife to service various eventualities, including death.

What should widowers do?

PR Paul Nyamweya advises widowers to create their own social groupings to champion for their rights.

“The rights women enjoy today didn’t come on a silver platter. They have over the years marshalled movements, formed welfare groups, and are actively involved even in church. It’s time men, and especially widowers, borrowed a leaf,” says Nyamweya.

Widowers need to be recognized as a vulnerable group equally by all stakeholders, and bold steps should be taken to guarantee them financial and emotional support.

The experience of losing a loved one is sad; to a man or a woman. All deserve empathy, recognition, and support.